The Categorical Wave

Ann Marie Alanes
2 min readJun 17, 2019

Many years ago on an Independence Day weekend, I rode on a boat on the Northern California Delta to Lost Isle. I noticed that just about every boater waved to each other as they passed — some with a smile, others with just a cool look of acknowledgement. There are different waves, too. Some people are really enthusiastic. They wave with both hands straight up in the air looking straight at you, usually with a big smile. Others do a kind of salute with a nod, acknowledging you in their peripherals. Either way, it just makes ya feel good inside, doesn’t it…to wave and get a wave back?

I’ve seen it elsewhere — like between…

  • Motorcyclists
  • Jeep Wrangler owners
  • Scion xB owners

But I’d really want to see it happen between…

  • Redheads: There aren’t too many gingers in the world. With only 1 to 2% of the population being redheads, bumping into each other outside of Ireland and Scotland must be like Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg bumping into each other on the street somewhere outside of Silicon Valley.
  • People with mullets: It’s a versatile cut where both men and women can keep a business establishment up front while throwing a party in the back. Not everyone can pull this off.
  • Goths & EMO Kids: Preferably with both hands waving straight up in the air and a big smile…you know, ’cause it’s ironic.
  • People from Papua New Guinea: Because, when have you ever met any of those people?
  • People who have seen their parents naked: It’s traumatizing and horrific. To know that others went through the same thing is really comforting.
  • People who wear those silly over-the-face visors: Can someone tell me if that’s an over-the-counter thing or does that have to be medically prescribed? ’Cause, GAWD! Why would anyone want to choose that over anything else? I would rather grow a left nut and throw that over my face than wear one of those visors.
Eating My Words
  • People who have dated rihanna: I mean, wouldn’t you want to say hi and compare notes?
  • Aliens: I know that if I was from a completely different galaxy and crash-landed here, I would want to wave to someone in my same predicament.
  • Doppelgangers: Dude! That’s your doppelganger! How could you not want to say hi to your doppelganger?!

I myself am an avid waver. I will wave at anyone for any reason. But it really is interesting to see what constitutes certain waves…don’t you think?



Ann Marie Alanes

Pastry-loving stan of the NFT crypto art and music space, and your self-appointed stylist. I am not funny.