The Categorical Wave

Ann Marie Alanes
2 min readJun 17, 2019

Many years ago on an Independence Day weekend, I rode on a boat on the Northern California Delta to Lost Isle. I noticed that just about every boater waved to each other as they passed — some with a smile, others with just a cool look of acknowledgement. There are different waves, too. Some people are really enthusiastic. They wave with both hands straight up in the air looking straight at you, usually with a big smile. Others do a kind of salute with a nod, acknowledging you in their peripherals. Either way, it just makes ya feel good inside, doesn’t it…to wave and get a wave back?

I’ve seen it elsewhere — like between…

  • Motorcyclists
  • Jeep Wrangler owners
  • Scion xB owners

But I’d really want to see it happen between…

  • Redheads: There aren’t too many gingers in the world. With only 1 to 2% of the population being redheads, bumping into each other outside of Ireland and Scotland must be like and bumping into each other on the street somewhere outside of Silicon Valley.
  • People with mullets: It’s a versatile cut where both men and women can keep a business establishment up front while throwing a party in the back. Not everyone can pull this off.
  • Goths & EMO Kids: Preferably with both hands waving straight up in the air and a big smile…you know, ’cause it’s ironic.
  • People from Papua New Guinea: Because, when have you ever met any of those people?
  • People who have seen their parents naked: It’s traumatizing and horrific. To know that others went through the same thing is really comforting.
  • People who wear those silly over-the-face visors: Can someone tell me if that’s an over-the-counter thing or does that have to be medically prescribed? ’Cause, GAWD! Why would anyone want to choose that over anything else? I would rather grow a left nut and throw that over my face than wear one of those visors.
Eating My Words
  • People who have dated : I mean, wouldn’t you want to say hi and compare notes?
  • Aliens: I know that if I was from a completely different galaxy and crash-landed here, I would want to wave to someone in my same predicament.
  • Doppelgangers: Dude! That’s your doppelganger! How could you not want to say hi to your doppelganger?!

I myself am an avid waver. I will wave at anyone for any reason. But it really is interesting to see what constitutes certain waves…don’t you think?

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Ann Marie Alanes

Pastry-loving stan of the NFT crypto art and music space, and your self-appointed stylist. I am not funny.